Parking Lot Prayers part 1

Well, I have good news and bad news... The good news is, I am alive! That was my only major goal is just to make it through all of this alive. I have had to remind myself of that many times today! Which leads me to the bad news... I'll be carrying "fido" around with me for another 9 days. Yep, we got to the urologist, he walks in and says, " did you come all the way up here just for this?" I'm thinking "well, yeah duh". He then told me that he wanted to wait to take the catheter out. Then he proceeded to tell me that he will be out of town this coming week and doesn't want to hand me over to anyone else.  Which I am thankful for, because two of the other doctors ended up indirectly causing more damage because they didn't understand our game plan. Anyway, he didn't want to take it out because he didn't want me to start leaking vaginally again and have him not be here for me.

I tried negotiating with him and even promised to pee every hour if he would just take it out. No such luck. He was so sweet about it. He sympathized with me and said that we are almost there, and to just bare with him a little while longer. He thanked me for being patient with him and I thanked him for taking such good care of me. I kind of have a love/ hate relationship with the man right now! Ok not really. Actually I am very thankful that he is being so conservative about it all. It's just depressing when you get your hopes up and then have reality step in. One of my biggest weaknesses is trying to be more flexible and roll with the punches. Instead of wanting to dish out some punches when things don't go my way! Anywho... He has always followed his gut feeling and it has ended up being a huge miracle that he did. Multiple times he almost took out my drain and felt like it wasn't time. Then things have happened where my abdomen filled with urin and it wasn't healed yet. I have been so grateful that he listened to his gut feeling.

This is me talking, almost 10 hours later... But this morning, well, lets just say that it wasn't safe to be around me. My poor husband.... He got caught in the middle of my tantrum. It wasn't pretty! I held it together until I got out of the office. Trever offered his arm for me to use as a punching bag if I wanted. Isn't he the best husband ever? I got out to the car and just lost it. I cried one of those nasty hysterical cries. Then it quickly turned to shear anger and bitterness. I was angry with my Heavenly Father. With my son. Whoever I could blame, I did. I'm not proud of it, but I did. Anger just went raging through my body. By that point, we were to the hospital. Trever opened my door for me and I took off angrily walking toward the NICU. He quietly and patiently waled behind. I knew it wasn't his fault and that I should grow up and be near him. I didn't listen though. (It's VERY dangerous not to listen to that voice by the way. If you ignore it long enough, you start to become the victim and everyone around you is the ones at fault in everything you do in life.)

I went into the bathroom to empty my bag. I sat on the toilet and just lost it. I gained my composure again and we walked down the hallway to see Caleb. All the while, I'm doing that pathetic post cry breathing. You know the one where inhale quickly and loudly? Almost snorting as you do so.  We got into Caleb's room and I sat on the couch. I couldn't even look at him. Trever asked if I wanted to hold him, I said no. I know this is so childish of me. There is no excuse for it. I was still in my angry phase of it all. He tried to encourage me to hold him so I wouldn't regret it, then decided to let me be and he held him. Shortly after, a woman called to meet up with us. She wanted to look at the car and we had planned to meet at the hospital after the doctors appointment. We went down stairs to meet her.

She asked about what kind of surgery I had. I told her over the phone a couple details. Poor thing got the whole story right there in the parking lot. She was so sweet. She said that everything happens for a reason and maybe I am supposed to go through this so that I can help others later. She checked out the car and test drove it around the parking lot. Just before she left, she said "this may sound strange, but do you mind if I pray for you?" I told her "yes please!" I also told her that I knew that I was alive today because of the prayers of others. She immediately reached out to hold our hands. I was thinking... "Oh, right now. Ok" (I seriously thought she meant that she would go home and pray for
us tonight before she went to bed.) Now remember, we are in the middle of the parking lot. We had
pulled up and parked behind a couple of parked cars because the parking lot was full. So we were parked in the middle of the isle. She gave the most precious prayer. Asking Heavenly Father to bless out family. For healing. Understanding. To see what a fighter that our baby was. To be able to take care of the house and kids. For the doctors to be guided and directed by His hands. It was so precious.

We thanked her and I threw my arms around her. She was so Christlike and so willing to sacrifice her time and faith, for us. Trever commented to me later, that her faith was amazing. To stand in the middle of the parking lot and not care what others thought of her. She didn't worry about what we thought of her. She offered to pray and knew that there and now was just as good as any other place and time. She was a woman of much faith. I have always wanted to be a woman who wasn't afraid to share what I am feeling inside. Or what I believe in. I felt so blessed from that experience. I really felt like The Lord did a lot of healing for me, through that moment. I wasn't bitter anymore. I understood the bigger picture. It was an indescribable And very special moment for us.