I snuggled Caleb last night for a little bit but we decided he needed to rest as much as possible in between feeds so that he could have the energy to take more by mouth. He gets worn out very quickly, so he and I just slept the night away. I wondered how I would sleep here. My anxiety was a little edgy about the cystogram today. Was it time? Am I healed enough for it not to blow open the hole in my badder again? Are we going to find a fistula? These cystograms themselves are no big deal. They just fill my bladder with a solution, via the catheter. This solution shows up on an x ray. That way, they can see if there are any leaks going on inside me. It doesn't hurt, just feels like I have to pee. The problem is, the push the fluids pretty quickly, so this low pressure system we have tried so hard to keep, has now turned into a very high pressure system. If the hole or holes has not healed fully, it could re open it/them quite forcefully I might add. If I am all healed up, then that means I can get the drain out and next week, the catheter can come out! So it's a catch 22. We will see in about an hour. Please pray, it's healed!
Back to wondering how I would sleep. (man oh man do I like to ramble) I actually slept very well. I got some good chunks of deep sleep. I woke up at 3 and 6 for his feedings, though I just let his nurse do all the work. I just laid there. He got a bath this morning and is not clean and peacefully eating and sleeping on my lap. She didn't want to push his energy level by trying a bottle this feed, since he had a bath. His 3am feeding he took the entire thing by mouth though. She said he looked like he was going to give it all back to her, but she just sat him up and rubbed his back. He let out a good burp and all was right with the world. Slow and steady, with lots of burping, wins the race for this little
guy.
I am going to focus on my little man for a few more minutes before I have to go. When I get back, I have some fabulous and exciting news for you. I will also be telling you how wonderful the cystogram went. That there were no leakes and that I am one step closer to feeling human again! That's what I'm going to say...I hope...I pray... Happy Wednesday ya'll. (it is Wednesday right? I never know these days.)
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