More Good News

We were running late for his feeding today, so we both thought we weren't going to be able to hold him. I'm only able to spend so much time with him each day, because of my needs for recovery. Come to find out... They changed his schedule just a bit. So we got to be there for more than we had planned. He had a poopy diaper, so I got to change him today. I was so excited that I felt we'll enough to stand up through it. It's amazing how something as simple as a diaper change can mean so much?

I got to sit and hold him for about 2 hours. I have never lasted that long. Jace came and got to sit and snuggle with him, when I needed to take a break. Trever was enjoying just gazing into Caleb's eyes and talking to him. Caleb did so well for his feeding. He will sometimes relax so much that he will forget to breathe. But not today. He was awake and alert. He was the most active I had seen him. He was almost a whole new baby today!

He got off of his CPAP completely today. That is the machine that they turned down to a 5 yesterday.  They put him on a new machine called high flow. It provides the air in a different way, that allows him to breathe more with his own control. He is down to a 3 now. He didn't end up having to get back on the lights like we thought he would. His bilireuban count was low enough that he didn't need treatment. They are going to test him in a few days just to make sure.

He is such a beautiful boy! He is filling out his skin so nicely. He isn't as wrinkly. Although I am going to miss his old man face. When he opens his eyes real wide, his forehead wrinkles up so cute.

Trever's parents and the girls also came to visit. Cute little Kaylee is always asking about her baby boy. She is so anxious to meet him. They aren't allowed near the nursery because of RSV season. So they haven't gotten to see him. They seem to understand the rules for he most part, except for Kaylee. She has been so attached to Caleb since she knew she was having a brother. Every time I talk to her, she asks about da baby boy, or her baby boy. She even said "mommy, can da baby boy be just mine and yours?" She agreed to let him be daddy's also, but told the girls he isn't theirs. Only hers. How cute is that?

While we were rotating who would stay with the girls and who would go back. We went on a little stroll to visit the nurses. There was another gal with Accreta, that came in a few days before I delivered. She delivered yesterday. So I asked about her. They said that she was doing well. I am hoping to go see her and meet her tomorrow.

I took the rest of the day today to just rest and heal.i am sure that Trever is bored to tears just watching me sleep, but I am so grateful to have him here. He is such a blessing to me!

2 Steps Forward and 1 Step back

Today was my 1step back day. I went to the Doctor today. He took out my staples. Uncomfortable and a little tender, but it wasn't bad at all. We ran into a potentially big snag during the process. In two different place on my lower abdomen, the skin didn't heal as well as we hoped. So the incision separated a bit. It wasn't bad enough to run to the hospital, but it was bad enough to have Dr. Detlifts check it out on Monday. He is the trauma surgeon and likes to check up on wound healing as it is. This kind of a thing pushed up the need to see him. If on Monday the steri-strips (the bandages they put on after staple removal) weren't enough to heal it up. I may have to go back into the hospital and get new stitches or something to remedy the wound.

When we got back to the hotel, I didn't want to move! I was so worried about it. That, and the 5 other things that I have to get removed in the next couple of weeks. The night before last, I was showering. I was removing a couple bandages that were ready to come off. One of which was from the drain I had removed earlier. It left a hole in me, the size of a pea. I started getting so woozy I almost passed out. I used to be able to handle things like that. I guess when it is on my body, it's a different story. I am so grateful that Trever was right next to me, otherwise...yikes!

With all of this going on, I think my body and my emotions were in total shock. I woke up from my nap shivering like crazy. I couldn't get calm down. I didn't have a fever, so Trever thought I was just in shock. I think I was too. He climbed into bed with me and held me close. He also tucked the blankets all around me, so that the cold air would stay out. I was able to calm down and fall asleep. I slept almost the entire day, occasionally moaning through it. Then I got super hot. So we had to take the opposite approach and cool me off. Trever stayed by my side through it all, of course. He helped me treat the shock. I could tell there was a lot of emotion going on, because certain things would come to mind and I'd just start tearing up.

I wasn't well enough to go see my baby boy, but I wanted to know how he was doing. Trever was hesitant to leave me, but I insisted.  He went down to the hospital and got to spend some time with him. He called and said that Caleb had made some serious progress in the 24 hours since we had seen him.

2 steps forward for him! He was receiving part of his meds, caffeine, and even food through an iv. He was able to get that taken out. That means that his stomach is tolerating things so much better now. So he gets to have everything by mouth! He is still on the feeding tube that drips things down his throat because he hasn't quite developed his sucking reflux yet.  He also had a bowel moment on his own. They had to assist him the other day because he was so constipated. He also got his air pressure lowered from a 6 to a 5! That means that he is breathing more on his own now. When it gets to zero that means he doesn't need his oxygen tube in his nose anymore!

What fantastic news! Especially after my rough day. I'm so proud of my little man! He is getting so big. Last we checked he was 3lbs and 13 oz. So he was almost back up to his birth rate. Oh wow! I just realized I didn't even share his birth stats yet. Wow. So sorry!

He was born March 1st at 10:41 am. 17 inches long. Weighing in at 3lbs 15 oz.  One of his nurses was talking about about how big he is. He said he is going to be a big boy. He kept talking about his build and length. He said, check him out, this kid could bench press truck! It was cute. He was so cute with Caleb. You could tell he really loved his job. He said there is nothing better. He treated and talked to Caleb like they were best friends. I absolutely love how much these nurses love our baby! They take such good care of him and love on him as if he was their own. They try so hard to make sure we get bonding time with him. They are also very protective of him. Well, it's Saturday morning and I am feeling much better today. So we are going to head out to go see him. Trever just said let's go, "I want to go see my buddy." I love it!

Blood Transfusion

Sunday is pretty much a blur. I still couldn't focus on anything. I was falling asleep every 5 minutes. Trever's aunt, uncle and brother came to visit. They got to see the baby. Caleb seemed to really take to Trever's brother Dustin. So cute.

Monday morning Dr Leuter came in and said that he wanted me to get another transfusion. My numbers were still really low. The nurses said that I was white as a ghost and my lips were gray that morning. They were all worried for me. It made so much sense now, being tired all the time, blurred vision, and dizziness.

I was scared to death about the transfusion. I was asleep for the last one. So I didn't know what was going to happen. Sweet Dr Leuter explained that it was just like an iv. They didn't have to put me out or anything. I was so glad it wasn't something huge. I know that I had some personality issues with him at first. Now I think the world of him. He is seriously one of my favorites now!

My sweet brother Jace came to visit. Poor guy always comes on the days when blood is around. I think he was there the same day as both of my bleeds. Then as soon as he walked in on Monday, they brought in my first unit of blood. The nurses were also wanting to check my drains and catheter. He now knows more about his sister than he ever wanted to. Lol.

By the time the first unit was flowing through my body, I was feeling like a whole new woman! I actually was able to stay awake and talk for a while. I was worried still about my body and how dysfunctional it seemed. More than normal surgery stuff.  I asked Trever to bring down the girls and asked if he and Jace could give me a blessing.  It was good to see them and I was thankful for the extra help and support from the Lord.

Tuesday, my dear friend Angela dropped in on her lunch break. Then my in-laws dropped by on their way into town. My sister in law Lindsay also stopped in. I was able to show off the baby. We walked in to the nursery and the nurse immediately said, so are you ready to hold him? I said, Can I?!!! This was the first time I was able to really hold and snuggle him. It was finally feeling like a reality and not a nightmare. I really did give birth to a beautiful baby boy and he was mine. I wasn't just cut open and in tons of pain for no reason.

Trever cam that night and, oh boy was I grateful he was able to stay with me. He went home Sunday night to be with the girls until his parents got there.

We were released Wednesday night. I had been doing tons better since the transfusion and working hard. I was able to walk much better and get out of bed by myself. We went to a hotel that night. I didn't realize how much I loved my hospital bed! The hotel bed was soft, but it was flat. I needed to be elevated a bit. After a couple of hours of trying to get comfortable, I finally moved to the chair. Trever built me a nest of pillows and I slept there.

Oh yeah, that night on our way to the hotel, we got word that Kaylee was having a super rough night. She was so homesick for mama, my mom was coming our way to see us and to pick up my sister from the airport. So she brought Kaylee out to have a sleepover with us. She was so excited to be near us she fell asleep super quick when she got here.

Thursday, my little Kenzie girl was made student of the month. Afterwards, Joyce brought Emma and Becca out to play. We got to see them for a few minutes. We took a long nap and then ran to walmart for a few things. Their electric carts were all being used, which meant that i had to walk. it was tough
but i made it.

We went to visit Caleb. Trever got to help get him cleaned up. He also got to change his diaper. The nurse handed him a wipe. Trever said, what do I do? I thought it was so cute! It just goes to prove, we have no clue what to do with boys.lol. I got to hold him while he ate. We also stopped by and visited a few nurses. The night I was discharged, it was so sad. For them and for me. They were my family for so long! It was exciting to be able to go. But hard to say goodbye. I was glad that we were able to see each other again. And see some of the ones that I hadn't seen in a few days

The Long Road to Recovery

Those of you who know my Trever know how incredibly strong he is. both emotionally and physically. When it comes to his family, you do not mess with us. He will do anything for us. the thought of that very realisticly be taken away...tears him up. I rarely see him cry. It's not that he is trying to be tough. It's that he just doesn't let things bug him. It has been hard to watch him go through all that he has the past 4 months. He is my superman. He was so scared and sad to leave me that first night. He was just praying that the last image of his wife wasn't in the horrifying state that I was. Since he wasn't able to sleep near me, he got special permission to sleep in my room, since I was going to be coming back to it.

That night, all I remember was the feeling that I couldn't breath and that I was choking. I would wake up so scared! I didn't have the nurses call button but I did have my pulse ox on my finger. You know that plastic thing that has a red light. It checks your pulse and your oxygen saturation levels. Anyway,  I took that little sucker and tapped my finger on the bed rail like a mad woman, until someone would come in. It's funny how when we are so out of it, we can still have those survival instincts kick in. Of course had thought about it more, I could have just taken the pulse ox off and then that would kick my monitor on to get someone to come in. Or just let the machine do its job, because I really wasn't choking. But where is the fun in that right?

They finally took my tube out and I stared to funny wake up. I was worried about Trever. Where had he slept last night? Did he go home? I wanted him near me so bad. He soon was. That first day (sat) was such a blur. I had so many iv's and monitors going on. Then of course to top it off. Time to pump. I was still out of it a bit, and didn't want to sit, so we all pulled our resources together and got things going. I, just laid there. The nurse took one breast and got the pump going. Trever took the other and they both held them there for me so we could pump. Seriously, it was kind of funny. I'm not  sure as to why one of them couldn't do both sides. I'm thinking that she was just going to do it, then I said Trever could do it if she would rather, and then they both ended up with one. Not sure, but funny. Of course, with major surgery, and being so early in the pregnancy, absolutely nothing came out. It's probably a good thing, because, again... I was on my back, almost totally flat. You do the math..

They took me out to go see sweet Caleb. I was so drugged, it was an interesting visit. Of course Trever was talking to each of the nurses in the nursery like they were best friends. I was just glad Caleb was out and doing ok. But I didn't really feel like he was mine. I felt really detached and well icky. I held him for probably 2 minutes and said, k let's go. We went back upstairs to my room.  The rest of the day is pretty much a blur. I think my mom and sisters came that night with the girls. Since I was in ICU and cable was in NICU, then the girls just had to wait in the lobby. They were so sad not to be able to see me.

Oh on the way up to my room from visiting Caleb, I asked if we could swing by to see my nurses. They have been like family to me. I was so anxious to let them know I was alive and to see their sweet familiar faces. As we rounded the corner, I said hhaaayyyy! Then my eyes focused on their faces. Nothin. I looked all over and realized only one of them, was a familiar face. I was devastated. It was almost a twighlight zone moment. My sweet Kristen friend smiled at me. I was so glad to see her there. It seems like she didn't know they moved up the date. So we had a little moment. Meanwhile the other nurses sat there looking so confused as trever asked if they were ready for us. They started looking around saying things like, wait who are you? Where are we putting her? Did you know we had one coming in today? Kristen told them I was in room 311. Then they started saying, is 311 ready, clean etc. She was finally able to explain that I had been in 311 and just had surgery, so I was in ICU. But that they were holding my room for me and I'd be back later. They finally caught on, and we left. Me, a little devestated that my nurses weren't there. Yet so comforting to see Kristen.

I was told that the yard sale was a huge success. thanks so much for all of your donations. it has been a huge amazing blessing! it has been so special for us to be able to stay closer to caleb. and for me to recover so much easier, without having to travel to phoenix and back each day. we are so thankful for you all.

Recovery has been fought. But I promise to try to catch up to the present day ASAP.

Lots of Love

It  has been 5 days since the big day. I am just shocked and amazed at this past weeks events. I am so grateful to be alive! I have so much info to share, so ill probably split it up into some manageable posts.

The night before the operation, I had to shower with this sterile cleanse stuff. I had to only use sterile hospital items to shower and get ready. Towels, gowns etc. I had to do the same exact things the following morning just before surgery.

Thursday night was an especially hard one for us. Trever let me know that he was extremely worried about losing me and has been ever since he found out that I had Accreta. Through our conversation and extreme tears we talked about all kinds of stuff. It had been such a rough pregnancy for our whole little family as it was. The thought of any further issues was simply devastating. Though we planned for the worst and hoped for the best, we were not prepared for the next days events. 

I woke up Friday morning, showered and was hooked up to the monitors. I talked to my two oldest girls and told the I loved them and was ready to go into surgery at 7:45. Trever was not with me mentally that day. He has hidden his fears for so long and tried so hard to be strong, but I always knew it was pushing him to his breaking point.  The doctors all came in, tried to comfort us and checked to see if there were any questions. They wheeled me back to the Operating room. I was keeping myself side tracked by trying to tell stories, ask questions like a little school boy (what is that for, what does this do...) I even cracked a few jokes. Anything I could do, to pass the time and get though the grueling prepping process. Trever kept busy with the NICU nurse waiting out side doing the same thing. Anything to keep our minds off things. 

They got the spinal in me. After a few pokes. For some reason, it was not smooth sailing like the other c-sections I have had. From what I could gather, they just couldn't get it to go into the correct spots to numb me correctly. Once I was numbing...which that took way longer as well. I was getting more and more anxious about everything getting fully numb. Especially because I could still feel plenty a few inches above my belly button. So the cutting area and the non- numb area were very close to each other...anyway, I decided to wait unto they did the test pokes to see if it was fully numbed by then, to say something.

The oncology team got me into the stirrups and began the euroscopy. They put the scope into my bladder and took a look around. That took probably a half hour to an hour. All I saw was lots of red lines, like blood or something? I began to get extremely queezy all of a sudden. They helped me calm down and breathe through it. The whole time a nurse was next to me talking me through the process (she was an absolute doll! A woman about my age, tattoos all over her arms, and as gentle and confident and comforting as any person could be).  She then switched with someone on the urology team who did the same for a while, the the commotion started. I heard the oncologist say that they couldn't get the stunt in place. It wouldn't go in like it should. I believe that's about when I heard him or someone say that it tore in the process. I asked a couple questions, trying not to let myself get scared, but everyone was wrapped up in this new issue and couldn't really hear me.

They eventually got me moved to the operating table where they prepped my body with iodine and got the big blue sheet up as well. I told them that the numbness didn't go up as high as I though it should so they began to pinch me in different areas of my stomach, checking where the feeling was. I could feel a few of them. They decided they would try a few things but then I understood they would probably have to put me straight under. They brought Trever back and told him what was going on. I saw the anesthesiologists face as I drifted off into the biggest commotion of a sleep than I had ever experienced. It was a nightmare! I wish it could have been some sort of uplifting spiritual experience for me but oh wow, it was horrifying. I all of a sudden couldn't make sense of anything. I was in this limbo world. I was confused and lost. So many questions, but I remember not even being able to make sense of those. I felt like I was living. In this world that looked like a kleidescope with no color. Just back and white. Mirrow images, dead end corners? It was horrifying! And no happy faces scary creepy ones, It all calmed do an for a very brief moment and I saw the lights and the blue sheet in front of me. I realized I was still in surgery. I wasn't dead. I looked over at Trever to find him. I couldn't see him very well. He says at one point, I assuming it was this one, he asked me, are you in pain? I just opened my eyes really wide and shook my head. That was the last thing he saw before it was time to leave.

For the next 9 hours or so Trever was on edge. The doctors didn't check in with him. At one point he saw one of the doctors in the hallway. He asked about me. The dr said they were trying to repair my bladder but that's about it.the he darted off. Trever was even more terrified, that the bladder was involved. 

He did everything he could, to stay busy. Thanks to our dear friend David Westover who hung out with Trever and spent the day with him. That night after a few units of blood loss and two transfusions, they stitched me up and took me to the ICU. Trever said I was blown up like a balloon. Everything was swollen. I had the tube down my throat and couldn't talk. I kept trying to ask Trever about Caleb. He couldn't understand me and I was so worn out that I would try to mouth the words once, the fade back asleep for a sec. I finally signed Caleb's name to him. Between my fat fingers and my restrained arms (I guess they had to restrain me to keep me from pulling out the tubes.) Trever could hardly make put the letters. I was so proud of him for getting what I said. He said that Caleb was well and showed me some pictures from the I pad. I couldn't focus on them, everything went fuzzy when I had to focus on details. 

But I think it calmed me down. Then I saw David standing near Trever. I kept putting my hand over each other trying to ask for a blessing.  It was all so scary and I figured I was probably in bad shape.  He just kept saying, I'm so sorry honey but I can't understand you. I looked at David, pointed to him, looked at Trever and pointed to him. Then put my hands on each other. David caught on and said, I think she wants a blessing. I shook my head yes. I don't remember anything about the blessing except for Trever crying. But it must have helped because Trever said within fifteen minutes I was out and completely calm. They wouldn't let Trever stay the night with me in there. He was so scared to leave me

Alive and well!

Hey all, I apologize for leaving you hanging the past few days. Surgery was pretty rough and recovery has been pretty rough too. But Caleb and I both took a turn for the better today. I have so much to share... Probable in multiple posts, but ill be back to posting, real soon. Hang in there. And please keep sharing our story. Hugs to all! Jennie and Caleb