The Long Road to Recovery

Those of you who know my Trever know how incredibly strong he is. both emotionally and physically. When it comes to his family, you do not mess with us. He will do anything for us. the thought of that very realisticly be taken away...tears him up. I rarely see him cry. It's not that he is trying to be tough. It's that he just doesn't let things bug him. It has been hard to watch him go through all that he has the past 4 months. He is my superman. He was so scared and sad to leave me that first night. He was just praying that the last image of his wife wasn't in the horrifying state that I was. Since he wasn't able to sleep near me, he got special permission to sleep in my room, since I was going to be coming back to it.

That night, all I remember was the feeling that I couldn't breath and that I was choking. I would wake up so scared! I didn't have the nurses call button but I did have my pulse ox on my finger. You know that plastic thing that has a red light. It checks your pulse and your oxygen saturation levels. Anyway,  I took that little sucker and tapped my finger on the bed rail like a mad woman, until someone would come in. It's funny how when we are so out of it, we can still have those survival instincts kick in. Of course had thought about it more, I could have just taken the pulse ox off and then that would kick my monitor on to get someone to come in. Or just let the machine do its job, because I really wasn't choking. But where is the fun in that right?

They finally took my tube out and I stared to funny wake up. I was worried about Trever. Where had he slept last night? Did he go home? I wanted him near me so bad. He soon was. That first day (sat) was such a blur. I had so many iv's and monitors going on. Then of course to top it off. Time to pump. I was still out of it a bit, and didn't want to sit, so we all pulled our resources together and got things going. I, just laid there. The nurse took one breast and got the pump going. Trever took the other and they both held them there for me so we could pump. Seriously, it was kind of funny. I'm not  sure as to why one of them couldn't do both sides. I'm thinking that she was just going to do it, then I said Trever could do it if she would rather, and then they both ended up with one. Not sure, but funny. Of course, with major surgery, and being so early in the pregnancy, absolutely nothing came out. It's probably a good thing, because, again... I was on my back, almost totally flat. You do the math..

They took me out to go see sweet Caleb. I was so drugged, it was an interesting visit. Of course Trever was talking to each of the nurses in the nursery like they were best friends. I was just glad Caleb was out and doing ok. But I didn't really feel like he was mine. I felt really detached and well icky. I held him for probably 2 minutes and said, k let's go. We went back upstairs to my room.  The rest of the day is pretty much a blur. I think my mom and sisters came that night with the girls. Since I was in ICU and cable was in NICU, then the girls just had to wait in the lobby. They were so sad not to be able to see me.

Oh on the way up to my room from visiting Caleb, I asked if we could swing by to see my nurses. They have been like family to me. I was so anxious to let them know I was alive and to see their sweet familiar faces. As we rounded the corner, I said hhaaayyyy! Then my eyes focused on their faces. Nothin. I looked all over and realized only one of them, was a familiar face. I was devastated. It was almost a twighlight zone moment. My sweet Kristen friend smiled at me. I was so glad to see her there. It seems like she didn't know they moved up the date. So we had a little moment. Meanwhile the other nurses sat there looking so confused as trever asked if they were ready for us. They started looking around saying things like, wait who are you? Where are we putting her? Did you know we had one coming in today? Kristen told them I was in room 311. Then they started saying, is 311 ready, clean etc. She was finally able to explain that I had been in 311 and just had surgery, so I was in ICU. But that they were holding my room for me and I'd be back later. They finally caught on, and we left. Me, a little devestated that my nurses weren't there. Yet so comforting to see Kristen.

I was told that the yard sale was a huge success. thanks so much for all of your donations. it has been a huge amazing blessing! it has been so special for us to be able to stay closer to caleb. and for me to recover so much easier, without having to travel to phoenix and back each day. we are so thankful for you all.

Recovery has been fought. But I promise to try to catch up to the present day ASAP.